Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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