Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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