New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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