I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
