My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
