don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
