I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
