capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
