..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
