Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
