Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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