So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
