I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
NoShamevember. You game?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
