Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
