This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize