just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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