If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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