So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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