i think my tv is drunk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
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you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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