Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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