wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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