Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
