She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
