how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
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The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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