You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
