why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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