I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
