u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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