Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
