one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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