I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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