I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
