Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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