he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
