Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Randomize
