Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
