please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
