he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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