There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
