A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
