I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
