Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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