hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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