I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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