garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
