we have officially lost it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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