Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
