i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
