I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize