She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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