Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
