We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
