I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can text with my tongue
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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