honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
