her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
