Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
