It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
