she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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