sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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