i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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