You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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