i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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