you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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