new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
