I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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