it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
