Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
