ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
