It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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