is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
