11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
