At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
