do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
