Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
