just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He did a backflip because drugs
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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