it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
