i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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