Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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