TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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