He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
